Lessons, lessons

I have been forced to learn a few new lessons lately, on courtesy,and of course, WATCH MY MOUTH. A very bitter lesson.

I am suppose to terminate my service in the company where I am presently working at and I had tendered my resignation. Everything went fine until one fine day, an unsuspecting me was summoned into the BIG BOSS's office. To my horror, I saw my second BIG BOSS and big third BIG BOSS were sitting there waitng for my arrival. I sensed danger.

I was informed that since I am in the "special" company, I am not eligible to apply for a certain position which is able to fulfill my dream of going overseas to "study". By applying the position, I am in actual fact violating the conditions for the application of the position. I was faced with the possibility of "complaint" into the matter and it left me in cold sweat. However, the interpretation of being "employed" by his "special" company left me quite confused.

I was merely a probational personnel on a contractual basis, where I am not entitled to the full benefits of what an employee of the organisation enjoyed. I do not considered myself to be "employed" in that sense as my position there is temporary and the contract can be terminated anytime with notice. Thus, I seek to differ from the words of the BIG BOSS.

There is where trouble starts.

I was lectured on the actual meaning of "being employed" and in the course of my attempt to argue, I had let slipped a certain portion of dialogue I had with another one of my BOSS (the one whom I report to), and of course, the name of the BOSS in the dialogue. HAHA, I had invited trouble straight into my face.

The No. 1 BIG BOSS straight away chastised the BOSS and specifically request that the 3rd BIG BOSS seek my BOSS to reprimand him for "misleading" a junior personnel (ME!). In turn, I was summoned into the office of my direct BOSS and was given quite a lashing. Talk about facing the music.

He referred me to the content of THE dialogue and remind me that he said nothing of a contract personnel being not part of the employment or establishment and he told me specifically that I will be in trouble for applying for the position for which I leave the company for. However, I had absolutely no recollection of these facts stated by my BOSS. I only remembered him (clearly) that he said: "NO, you are not, you are not!" In which in the context and at the circumstances at that time, I had the impression that he meant, No, you are not part of the employment and you cannot be considered being "employed in that sense".

It might just be a mere misunderstanding I guess, or miscommunication, but whatever it is, it got me into big trouble. I learnt that:

Rule 1: Do not throw any person's name into trying to substantiate your arguments. It never works and it will back fired and end up causing more trouble than it is worth. And You will be in hot soup then.

Rule 2: Just don't open my big mouth and accept everything as stated. Do not argue if it does not have lasting effect on you.

Well, now I am the public enemy. Nice way to end my "employment"... Going out with a BANG.

The other stuff I learn is normal courtesy. It happens an eon ago when I report for duty in the new work place where I was newly transferred. All new things excite me and when I am excited, I walk faster, I am impatient and very focus. Thus, it makes me missed out some really important stuff like common courtesy:

Giving way to higher rank officer who walks too slowly.

I must have bypass her in my hurry to get things done and to add burden to my consciense, she was having difficulty in walking. I feel very bad when I think back of it.

At that time I thought I was being polite, with me saying thank you profusely with my most sincere apology.

I think I must have followed to closely behind that she give way to me, or I am actually trying to bypass her. I really cannot remember because I did it unintentionally. I was excited and I was in a hurry. Well, she ended up giving way to me and although I said I am sorry and thanked her for giving way to me, she was actually quite annoyed. This I knew only when a senior personnel told me off.

I feel quite bad. For a number of reasons. I feel bad for being inconsiderate to an older person who has some disability where she cannot walk very well. I feel bad for being impatient. I always thought I was quite a compassionate person and consederate. This act of mine made me quite sad.

The second reason I feel sad was I will have a tarnished image and a flawed impression towards others. I feel very very bad. There is a chinese saying which goes "good things nobody will know about it but bad things will spread thousands of miles". I do not care that much on what others think or say about me but pending my termination of contract, my dream of wanting to be as low profile as possible was dashed. My hope of nobody will know me or remember me was dashed. I will be known as the terrible person who used to work here.

My my...

Well, this two incidents had humbled me. I hope I will be able to learn from it and be a better person from now on. But right now, I feel quite depressed.

I hate my current work place, not because it is terrible or anything but I could not fit in and everything is so hard on me. I miss my previous office. My lovely but strict boss. My charming colleagues whom I can go crazy together with. I miss the affable staff. I miss the rice there. I miss everything. I wish I was not relocated. It is a dismal ending of the memorable one year in this establishment.